Don't puff up. Don't shrink. Stand your sacred ground.

​It was a typical scene. A whole ballroom full of people. Leaders from industry there as mentors and coaches to tout their wisdom and inspire the business school students. Graduate students hanging on their every word, eager to emulate their success.

And as the industry people went around the room, introducing themselves and telling their stories of what they did, how they got there, and their lesson’s learned, I noticed the characteristic warning signals that I was being tempted to step out of my integrity. To follow their example and gold-plate it all.

I felt my heart plummet to my stomach. My skin start crawling. A tightening and constriction across my chest.

All my warning signs that the gremlins of comparison and perfectionism (aka shame) were rearing their heads. And of my ego getting ready to swing into action. To puff up and defend itself. Or - if the gremlins won out - to stay silent and small, not to be noticed.

And in that moment I had a choice.

Brené Brown’s mantra came to me.
 
“Don’t puff. Don’t shrink. Just stand your sacred ground.”

I kept on repeating it over and over to myself as the introductions continued.

“Don’t puff. Don’t shrink. Just stand your sacred ground.”

“Don’t puff. Don’t shrink. Just stand your sacred ground.”

Finally,  it was my turn. I was the last to speak. With my heart in my mouth, I stood up. Not quite sure what words were going to come out of my mouth, I leaned into everything I have learned.

“I'm perhaps a textbook example of what not to do with your career.  I followed my head instead of my heart.”

And then I told them that I was a workplace bullying and toxic environment coach. I told them that - at this weekend where they were learning how to be better leaders - the chances were that half of them, at some stage in their career, were going to find themselves working with or for someone who put them down. Who diminished and demeaned them. That they were going to find themselves in difficult and toxic environments.

And that the probability also existed, under the right stresses and conditions, that they could be those  leaders themselves.

Was it effective?

I honestly don't know.

What was the truth was that I stood my sacred ground on what I knew to be important to me. In that moment, as everyone was going around the room, it would have been so easy for me to have played the game of “This is what I've done with my career and isn't that great. And this is what I've learned and isn't that wonderful?”

Far harder, and far more authentic, was to speak the truth in my heart.

Did I reach anyone and touch their heart?

Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't.

But I’ve learned that success is not measured in outcomes. It is measured in “How true was I to myself.”

So when you find yourself in that moment, comparing yourself to others, and having that sinking feeling that you’re coming up short, I invite you to remember this.

Don’t puff. Don’t shrink. Stand your sacred ground.

And if you'd like to learn how to do that, I invite you to subscribe to the “Resilience Toolkit” and get started on developing the tools you need to be able to do just that. 

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