Do you have an Abrasive Leader
problem?
Are others saying...
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Are they saying...
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Are others saying...
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Are they saying...
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There is no universal definition for workplace bullying or abrasive behaviour. It is the IMPACT of the behaviour that defines it. Abrasive leadership has the potential to destroy individual well-being as well as organizational effectiveness. Such behaviour can impact productivity to the point of paralysis.
Abrasive behaviour includes |
The organizational costs of abrasive behaviour |
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Coaching took me from angry and blaming everyone who is in my way, to being calmer and better able to assess the situation. I don’t have to be mad at everyone. I don’t have to be negative. That is a BIG improvement in my life. I was not thrilled about coaching – at all – at the beginning. But I’m so glad I did it. I was so stuck in my resentment of others. I finally got how others were seeing me – and it was wow! -- D.J., Finance Professional |
Abrasive individuals present a significant challenge for traditional coaches and conflict specialists. Unable or unwilling to see the impact of their destructive styles on coworkers and the greater organization, they can be highly resistant to traditional coaching methods. They don't see themselves as the problem - and attempts to do so only make them MORE resistant.
Here's what often happens with typical coaching approaches: The abrasive leader is required to work with a coach. Resentful, they of course try to convince the coach that it's not them who is the problem, but others. The coach might try to combat this with reports, feedback etc. But the problem with self-deception is that you can't even see that you have a self-deception problem. The more the coach tries to get them to self-examine - the more the person starts to see the coach as adversarial and "on the side of management", and the less willing they are to engage in the process. At some point the coach - if they are not coopted to the view of the leader - throws up their hands and says the person is uncoachable. Abrasive leaders' self-deception becomes the rock on which coaching founders. |
People had called me abrasive and arrogant. They said I was steam rolling over them. But I didn’t see that about myself. And I couldn't recognize other people's emotions. People thought I an asshole! I’ve learned I can have the patience to slow down, and listen to other people when they don’t see things the way I do. |
The objective of mediation is to resolve the problem of interpersonal conflict. In other words the problem is the conflict, not the abrasive leader.
Although mediation can be effective in resolving a specific conflict between two people, it does not:
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Most people are good people. My experience is that most good people will behave in a bad way given the circumstances in which they are working. They can be good people with poor leadership skills, no boundaries, working in an 'us vs them' environment and end up behaving appallingly. Under these circumstances the majority will behave badly. It is easy to scapegoat those individuals, and not look at the other factors affecting them. |
Investigations rely on complaints. Which are vanishingly rare.
And if there are complaints - and then investigations - it does not solve the underlying issues driving the bullying in the first place. Targets don't file complaints for two reasons:
Haydn Olsen's "Why the Zero Tolerance Approach doesn't really work" provides far more depth as to just how problematic investigations are. |
You can't get rid of something by not tolerating it. If we try to get rid of these things by attacking them with force rather than considering why they occur in the first place and addressing the basic causes and the structure that supports it, then we create a more hostile world where there is less safety. |
I had such a narrow view of what success looked like. And what I thought success looked like wasn’t even working for me. With coaching, my confidence level is now through the roof. And as a result I’m much more open to feedback, and my relationships with coworkers are so much better. |
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